My #Doitafraid Moment

Remember what I shared the other day here about doing it in bits and doing it afraid? Well, I had a 'Physician heal thyself' moment over the weekend.

My good friend, Mercy Makinde (whom I'll be talking about a lot more in subsequent posts) rings me up one memorable day and started to share with me her dream about wanting to have a support group for women where they can be empowered, mentored and most importantly supported to face the vicissitudes of life that comes with being a woman. It sounded quite interesting and I was excited about it particularly because I know her story and how she was still standing against all odds. Before I knew it, plans started in top gear and we planned the whole event within a week. But that's not even the gist. Like two days after we talked, I was at her place and then she gave me the 'shocking' news that I'll be the anchor of the event. I said shocking because when I saw the line up of speakers, I was truly amazed.

 

These are women who are considered icons in their industry and rightly so including a man who is the Vice President, Corporate Communications & CSR, Airtel Nigeria Limited. Fine I know I enjoy talking and I am a good conversationalist, even if I say so myself, but holding a conversation and compeering an event are two different things. I left her place that day and later sent her a message thanking her for the vote of confidence and opportunity and she replied as if sensing my unexpressed hesitation,

"It's in you! I say this all the time. My instinct never fails me".

I read the message and I said to myself,

"O pari! I don enter am".

The days leading up to the event, I cannot count on one hand the number of times I thought of calling her to say she should use someone else. I was so unsure of myself seeing that I had never compered an event before how much more a high profile one such as this. Every manner of self limiting thought crossed my mind.

"What if I bore the audience?"

"What if I get so tensed I start stumbling on my words?"

" What if Mercy is not impressed at the end of the day and says because of me her instinct failed her this time?"

I was all mix of emotions. Tensed, excited and apprehensive but through it all I kept saying to myself,

"Toyin, do it afraid. Do it shaking till you shake no more."

The day before, I had attended an event, the inauguration of the Youth church of Grace Assembly (this is the church I attend by the way) where the speaker, Debola 'Lagos' Williams (you need to google this guy men, that's all I can say) had said in sharing his story,

"Take on that 'thankless' job to sharpen your skills".

That is, for one to continually develop oneself, one will need to take up some jobs or assignments that one may not necessarily get paid or commended for but it will be an avenue to sharpen one’s skills. That was exactly the disposition I had towards this assignment. At least I will learn how to compere an event and what's more, it could possibly open doors I didn't even see before.

Now I have shared my story. Peradventure you have read it up to this point and you are scoffing at me thinking,

‘’What's the big deal in anchoring an event? What's the big deal about the speakers? Are they not women like yourself? Is it not to speak English and be composed?’’

I apologize for disappointing you but that was my #doitafraid moment. Maybe yours is even bigger and more distinguished than mine. My question to you is,

‘’Are you doing it at all not to talk of doing it afraid?’’

 Remember action is better than thoughts. I think from the feedback I got from some of the audience and my beautiful friend, I did not do badly so I said to myself in Steve Harris' voice,

"Done and dusted!"

 

In a later post I will share with you some useful tips on compering an event. Not like I am now a pro but just based on this my first experience. Boy, did I learn. So like my people in Warri will say,

"Na from clap e dey enter dance".

Na from dis first event I go get plenty till I become a professional. I’ll say to you to never pass up an opportunity to learn and develop yourself. Like Mrs Adenike Ogunlesi, Founder and Chief Responsibility Officer of Ruff n Tumble said to us at this event, she said,

"Stay fresh! Stay green!"

 

To all my women readers I want to urge you, if there is one empowerment group for women you should join, it has to be the Amazing Amazon Initiative. For more details, please take time to visit and register to join at www.theamazingamazon.org . We started in Lagos, next stop is Abuja, then Port Harcourt and eventually to all the states in Nigeria and yes across the continent. You sure will thank me later for this to which I say in advance,

"The pleasure is all mine".

Life Skills for Children.

#MondayDoseOfInspiration

The 21st century is not for jokers so don't be caught napping. We need to raise children that can stand head and shoulder with their contemporaries anywhere in the world.

Below are a couple of life skills that we can teach our children to help them get by in the competitive terrain that is characteristic of this age.

. OBSERVATION SKILLS: "Be observationally alert", in the words of the author of Lagos Life, London Living, Bobo Omotayo. To teach little children to be aware of their surroundings at every point in time, there is a game I use to teach my daughters this skill. It's called the 'show me, show me' game. Here, you can decide on say, a color or shape and ask that the children look around them and point at any object with the said color or shape.  It can also be played while in the car with them perhaps when you are not the one driving e.g how many red cars can you see? etc. It is an essential life saving skill as it could spell the difference between life and death in a couple of minutes.

.INQUISITIVE SKILLS: Children should be taught never to be afraid to ask questions particularly on what they don't know so as to prevent them from asking the wrong person.

A cousin's daughter once asked her mum when she was quite young what a nipple was. Rather than shout her down and tell her never to say such 'dirty' word, the mum instead asked her where she heard it from and  went ahead to tell her what it meant. Interestingly, the girl who was about 7 at the time, heard the word from her friends in school. Imagine if the mother had not answered her and she had to ask someone else probably an adult with ulterior motive.

. COMMUNICATION SKILLS: In this new age, it is not so much what you know but how you pass across what you know. It is imperative to learn the art of speaking well. To learn this skill, give them a book, their favorite story book for example to read. Watch as they read it to you, taking note of their pronunciations and use of punctuation marks. From age 7 or 6 even, you could make them sit and listen to the news with you. This made quite an impression on me as a young girl sitting with my dad to listen to the Network News on NTA those days. It was always a delight watching the likes of Cyril Stober, Tokunbo Ajai of blessed memory, Eugenia Abu, Ruth Benamasia-Opia, Sienne All-Well Brown to name a few and everytime my dad will always say,

"I love their diction".

I learnt from them first hand how to speak well and pronounce words correctly. I am still learning though because learning is a continuous process. Buy them a kiddies dictionary from a young age. Make reading a habit for them. It expands their vocabulary.

. INTERPERSONAL SKILLS: It goes without saying that your network is almost as important as your net worth. Help children to be friendly, to interact well with others. Work on their social skills. Take them out on play dates with friends and family. Let them go somewhere new where they will  meet new people. Expand their network reach every opportunity you get. Making a 21st century child  live a triangular life is a no-no. Triangular life being house to school to church(or place of worship as the case may be) then back to the house again. As young children, weekends was constant balling for my siblings and I. We always had a line up of places to go. My dad wasn't the richest dude in the neighbourhood. Matter of fact, we were tenants yet the landlord's children loved to always go out with us because of the fun they were guaranteed to have. If as a mother you can without blinking an eye, splurge 150k on expensive human hair (either outright purchase or instalment) and yet the only place of interest your child knows is Shoprite, I hope you know that you are nothing but a sorry case of a mother!

. SELF MASTERY SKILLS: Knowledge about who they are, where they are from, their culture, history. Teach children to be unapologetic for who they are. No one should make them feel inferior about how they look, talk or where they are from. I love my youngest daughter's response to anyone that tells her she talks too much. She replies with confidence and sometimes a smile if she likes you,

 "I don't talk, I gist".

Hahaha. Such confident four year old child of mine. Remember the words of that wise woman.

"No one should make you feel inferior without your consent"

                                       - Eleanor Roosevelt

If you don't let your children learn the art of self mastery, they will subconsciously permit people to make them feel inferior.

. NEGOTIATION SKILLS: Let children learn from an early age how to negotiate. You can start by taking them with you to the market and let them watch you as you haggle or bargain. Children learn alot from what they see. My mother did this to me when I was growing up and I thought she was just mean knowing how unpleasant shopping in Lagos markets can be. What with the dirt, small stalls where both buyers and sellers are squashed together, the noise and din of the market?! Now add to this my dear mother dragging me with her under the scorching sun (shopping was always in the mid day) from one stall to the other haggling until she gets what she considers the best price. Now I'm all grown and run a business of my own and in negotiating business deals or contracts, I recall all these supposedly unpleasant negotiation encounters of the past in the market. I learnt negotiation even before I went to business school. I do not say I am the best negotiator around but those experiences helped prepare me for today.

. GOAL SETTING SKILLS: which is regarded as the master skill of success.Let your children set goals for themselves or if they are too young, help them set it and ensure they stick to it. It may be goals such as being among the top 5 or 10 throughout school session, learning their multiplication table, being in bed by 7:30pm everyday (tough one right?), finishing up their homework on time. Let me dwell a bit more on this homework issue. It is imperative we let our children always submit their homework at the scheduled time (trust me, I'm speaking to myself too) and not take the fact that we can plead for more time from their teacher via their communication books. It imbibes in children from an early age the importance of taking work seriously and meeting up with deadlines. It helps them become responsible adults and builds in them a strong work ethic.

Like every goal we set for ourselves as adults, the goals for the children must also be;

S- Specific

M- Measurable

A- Achieveable

R- Realistic

T- Time-bound

 

Photo Credit: @gracetoparent .

 

 

 

 

Do It In Bits, Do It Afraid

I first heard this phrase; ‘Do it afraid’ in one of Betty Irabor's famous Morning Dew column in her award winning magazine, Genevieve. I remember been struck by the first and last words; do and afraid. Meaning whatever it is, do it anyway regardless of the fear you feel.

This phrase is even now made more popular and is currently trending across social media in Nigeria thanks to Omilola Oshikoya, one of Africa's foremost finance coach and my personal coach too (*coughs* Amen!). But I like how Mrs Evelyn Femi-Paul, a foremost Image Consultant and MD, Image Pro Consulting also puts it. She says,

"Do it shaking until you shake no more"

Listen up. No professional or expert that you know today got it right from the start. They first started as amateurs in their fields and then progressed from one level of proficiency to another till they became the experts and thought leaders in their various industries.

 

When I was going to start this blog, I wanted all the conditions to be perfect. The right and posh device to use, perfect layout, I had seen quite a number of blogs and there were a few I wanted my blog to look like, I wanted a registered domain and website even. But guess what? Everytime I tried to pay to get these things, a more pressing and urgent need will come up that will make setting money aside for the blog thing look like a misplacement of priorities. Another thing that held me back was the fear of rejection. Yes I said that and permit me to be vulnerable with you. I thought to myself,

"What if people don't like what I write?"

" What if I run out of what to write?"

So many ‘what ifs’. Then one day I decided I wouldn't let anything hold me back anymore. I'll do it shaking, here a little, there a little, fail forward, dust myself, get back up and try again. I'll keep writing whether there are comments or not. Will keep writing as long as the thoughts keep roaming on my mind. Some have asked if I'm making money from this. Well, not yet but still I'll keep writing.

So it's 1st of March and you're wondering how two months have gone by already and you appear not to have been able to mark check on any of the things you set out to do this year. Maybe you're already thinking of giving up and settling to having an ordinary year like the previous ones. Or you may even have started but things are not yet looking like you would want them to and you are already thinking there's no point going on, what with the current state of the economy and all. Or you started but started poorly, you didn't quite hit the ground running well enough. Be glad that at least you took the first step.

For some, the sheer size of the task seems to be what is even holding you back. Each time you think about how big the task ahead is or how much ground you have to cover, you get tired even before you start. My advice to you is to break it down into small, manageable bits within realistic time frame. That's basically Project Management in simplest terms.

 

Do it in bits. Do it afraid. Do it shaking till you shake no more. Don't wait till all the conditions are perfect. The beauty of the building may not be fully appreciated when still in progress until it is finished but that does not stop the building from being built. No matter how tantalizing the aroma of a meal is, you still have to wait till it is done before you can eat it but that doesn't stop you from cooking the food anyway. Two months may have passed without you doing or achieving anything but you still have nine months to catch up. Brace up and like Nike says,

Just Do It!

May March be good to you.

  

 

I Have A Father

#MondayDoseOfInspiration

Hello great people,
Wow! It's been a whole week of hiatus. I apologise profusely, I did not mean to leave you high and dry. I had to go on a forced but well deserved rest and all I can say is, it sure feels good to be alive, hale and hearty. Quite a number of things happened during this break but through it all I am glad that as a believer, even though one may be fatherless but yet still have a father in God which is the gist of today's post. Enjoy.

When scriptures say all things work together for good; the 'all' here refers to a potpourri of events, circumstances and situations, both good and bad or ugly; divinely orchestrated to make us triumphant in the end. I once went through an unprecedented rough time financially months after I lost my dad. Things got so bad that I couldn't help wishing at some point that my late dad had left me a very fat inheritance. I wished he left me plenty properties in choice locations and a stupendously fat bank account that I could just leverage on to sort me through the mess I had found myself.

I woke up one morning missing him so much, wishing I could just call him up and tell him all the battles both physical and spiritual, that I was fighting. My dad was not just my biological father but was also my spiritual father. One  in whose anointing I trusted and respected so much. Just one word of prayer and issue of decree and I would have been sorted and able to sleep easy.

 

 

 

 For the first time since his demise, I felt my fatherless state so much I didn't feel like going on anymore. Until one morning, I was sent a video of a choir singing the Hallelujah chorus- one of my dad's many favourite hymns. The hymn was not only beautifully sung, it was also inspiring and made me burst into a round of praise at the end. As I cried and worshipped the Lord whose kingdom had no end, I remembered in that very instance how even though I was fatherless yet I had a God who was a father to the fatherless. A father who is so rich He owns herds of cattle upon a thousand hills. A father so powerful, He enthrones and dethrones earthly kings as He pleases. A father immensely wealthy no one could ever fully measure His net worth not even Forbes! A father so connected with such a rich network, He even turns the heart of people that matter to do as He pleases. A father who loved me even before I had any idea of His existence. A father who when it came to any pressing matter that had to do with me, He will personally attend to it Himself and not delegate it to anyone else.

As I worshipped, I realised that what I thought I did not have, I not only have them but had them in such immeasurable quantity. I thought my father didn't leave me with much without realising he actually left for me the greatest inheritance of all; a spiritual legacy. One that will see me through and sort me out for the rest of my life till I get called to glory.

 

 

Today I therefore make bold to say,

 'I have a father who calls me by His name; a father like no other. Such that even though my father has departed in heaven to stay but still, I have a father. I call Him Jesus.

The video below succinctly captures the essence of this message. It's a short video but carries a powerful message.

 

 

Saturday Is For Love

Like I always say, Saturdays are for love, weddings and romance so this is dedicated to all those about to get hitched in a couple of hours. By now you know the drill people. My fellow incurable romantics (ladies this time), few hours to the big day, get out that beautiful blank card sprayed with your perfume particularly the one he loves on you, pen these words and have the best man leave it in a strategic place where it will be the first thing he sees the morning of your wedding. Now I know I've watched too many romantic flicks for my own good. I suppose it was for a time like this. Enjoy...

Knowing in a few hours I'll be signing the dotted lines to forever with you
Makes me feel all giddy inside
Butterflies in my tummy, my head up in the clouds,
Extra spring to my steps
My voice suddenly a pitch higher
I seem to be talking in a sing-song manner
The world seems to be spinning fast
My eyes are glazy as the tears flood my vision
Walking down that aisle, all dressed in white
In a room filled with people but all I see is you
All I see is your smiling face as you wait at the end of the aisle
A vision of love and perfection
Can't wait for the priest to pronounce us man and wife
Can't wait for me to tell you how much I love you in a language we both understand
Can't wait to have growing in my womb your replica, a fruit of our love
Can't wait to make those beautiful memories of happily ever after with you
Finally I can't wait to end each day in your arms
And wake up each morning lying next to you
Je t'aime mon amour.

#NannySeries2

Wonderful people of the ville, how are you all doing? Trust the week is rounding off nicely. For our Nigerian readers (yes o we are been read all over the world even in Syria, hehehe), hope the exchange rate is not giving you too much hypertension? May our currency not become like tissue paper o or am I saying this prayer too late? Anyway e go better only that this time no be only poor man prayer.

Last week we kicked off a series here on nannies, maids, house governors or whatever name you call your child handlers. We continue this week with another story of another nanny of mine who for the purpose of this post I will call Joy. Joy came into our lives at a point when I had just started my entrepreneurial journey. She was truly a prayer answered as I was just reeling from a nasty nanny experience. The first time I met her I didn’t think I’d employ her because she didn’t look friendly so I thought she might be mean to my girls but the person who introduced her to me spoke highly of her.

She was at the time a single mother of one who could not complete her OND degree due to the unplanned pregnancy. Joy was such a blessing to our household. I’m reminded of her when I read about Joseph in the Bible where it was said that Pharaoh knew nothing about what was in his house as everything was in Joseph’s care except his wife. But thankfully, Joy unlike Joseph did not end up in jail from my house.

She first worked as a non-resident nanny with me for almost a year then left and came back to stay as a live in nanny. Every morning, she will wake up before everyone else in the house, say her prayers (saw her a couple of times), wake the girls and dress them up for school, by the time I’m out of bed by 7 or sometimes 8 a.m (perks of being your own boss), the whole house is sparkling. She was a devout Christian and not just in words but even in her conduct. My girls learnt quite a number of Bible stories and Christian songs from Joy. In short, she made parenting seem like a walk in the park. Only thing was she was not so firm with them and that was just fine with me as dear hubs and I handled that.

 

On her weekends off rather than go home straight, Joy would first preach to the guards on my street before heading home. She remains one of the few people outside of my immediate family that I can trust with my children.  In the weeks leading to the preparation for my dad’s burial, Joy made it so easy for me to cope with my grief. She made sure that we were all well taken care of and some days will come to me assuring me that my dad was in a better place. In the almost two years that she was with me, she proved that not all nannies need be nasty or monsters.

 

Today Joy is happily married to a man who accepted her and her son and together they now have a daughter.

 

Shining or Dimming

‘’Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.

Let your light so SHINE BEFORE MEN, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.’’

                                                                                Matthew 5:14, 16 (KJV, Emphasis mine)

 

The bible passage above I’m sure it’s one that we have all read and maybe memorised at one time at Sunday School as little children. What’s more we might have even learnt and sang that popular song of letting our little lights shine. But then I ask myself and every believer out there today,

‘’Are we really letting that little light of ours shine?’’

Have we not in the name of political correctness attempted to hide our lights under a bushel? Some of us might have not hidden it entirely but we have gradually started reducing the brightness of our light to adjust to the darkness. In short, rather than shining, our lights are dimming. There are some stances believers these days find difficult to take so as not to be seen as primitive, old school or not even enlightened. I even hear there are many gospels being propagated now. According to today’s Open Heavens devotional by Pastor Enoch Adeboye where he highlighted the dangers of heretic teachings that is now the order of the day in this present age, that there are different gospels now being propagated. They are; The Gospel of Relativism, Gospel of Modernism and Post-Modernism.

As a believer, are you truly shining? You know how it is when NEPA of old (my Nigerian readers will understand me better)supplies light with very low voltage to our homes and then the light starts to fluctuate. The light is so dimmed that even a candle appears to be brighter. What then happens? In frustration, one is left to either turn off all electrical appliances to prevent damage, wait it out till light of higher voltage is restored or if it were at night, we switch to generator. This analogy goes to show the utter uselessness of a light that is not shining brightly. Does that describe us as present day believers? How brightly is your light shining? Is it low current like we call this light that NEPA brings? Is it any wonder that the world is in darkness? We have through our daily acts of compromise and attitude of ‘it doesn’t matter’ or ‘God is not so wicked’ allowed the world to snuff out our light. I like the apt way this Instagram handle I follow, @storm_326 puts it,

 

When light shines brightly enough, soon darkness naturally finds its way out. Are you shining or dimming? You dim your light when you hang out in the club on Saturday nights and yet think it’s nothing because you do not miss your Sunday services. You dim your light when on your social media accounts people find it difficult to really say you are a Christian because of your very un-Christianly conduct.

‘’It’s my personal page’’, they say.

‘’ What I do or believe in is personal’’

Say what now?

You dim your light when as a believer you see nothing wrong in cussing or using vulgar language. Shoot me!

‘’...but be thou an example of the believers, IN WORD, IN CONVERSATION, IN CHARITY, IN SPIRIT, IN FAITH, IN PURITY.’’

                                                                1Timothy 4:12 (KJV, Emphasis mine)

 

I meet people of other faiths who never attempt to hide their belief. In fact you can easily tell from their conduct and speech without being told where they belong but believers, we like to ‘dress to suit the occasion’. I tweeted sometime last week that the world is finding it difficult to come to the church because the church keeps trying to look like the world. The world feels they miss nothing for coming to the church while the church acts like they missed something(s) for leaving the world.

 

This message is for the discerning. Maranatha!