Be Your Daughter's First Love

Hey good people!
Trust you all had a beautiful holiday. As a banker, I lived for long weekends such as this one we just had. No work for two days with the weekend nicely sandwiched in between. Yummy! Lol.
Today's post is for the fathers and the daughters they adore and it comes with a caveat;

''Read to your advantage''.
Enjoy!

On a particular Father's Day a few years ago, I took the time to reflect on the two most important men in my life besides my brothers that is, and they are my father and husband. As I reflected, I couldn't help drawing more than a few similarities between them both, making me to conclude that when a girl has a good man as a father, she ends up marrying a man just like him.

 

 

How do you become the kind of man your daughter ends up getting married to? How do you show her what love is in its purest form? How do you literally become your daughter's first love? My dad (bless his soul) once told me that if you are ever called upon to exhort or motivate  people and you think you have nothing to say, share your story. Now this explains why I always share a lot of my personal stories on this blog not because I want to be an unnecessarily open book, but rather to share with you a piece of my vulnerability and by so doing, get you to learn a thing or two about how well or how badly I did certain things.

So today as usual, I'll tell my story. More like our stories; my sister and I because our dad was and still remains our first love. He earned this enviable position because right from an age when we could talk and reasonably hold a conversation, our dad constantly paid us huge but sincere compliments. No flattery. And so from a young age, I grew up hearing things like,

"Daughter, you have such a beautiful dentition" *shines teeth*

"You write so well"

In fact, I remember this episode when my dad excitedly made me the subject of his conversation with his friend that came visiting. I was about 7 then. He went on and on about how I love to write and to my chagrin brought out THE notebook (my personal, secret diary that I thought I was the only one that knew about its existence); where I wrote everything that crossed my mind at that age. That picture of him all excited and oozing with so much pride about my writing prowess, is permanently engraved on my mind. I see it now even as I write.

·         Daddy, be the first man to pay your daughter compliments. Start early, when she's old she will never forget and she will not be easily carried away by the sugar coated words flowing like honey from the lips of the many seeds of Adam she will encounter.

 

·         Without being partial to your sons, pay the utmost attention to your daughter(s). Chai my dad spoilt my sister and I with this. We enjoyed his attention and his money too. Lol. It got so good (no I won't say bad) that one time and the only time as a matter of fact, our brothers had to protest. They noticed that everytime our parents travelled, they came back with at least 1 full box for each of us girls while all 4 of them had to share just 1 box of goodies. They couldn't take it anymore and so their self appointed spokesman (lol) said to our dad this one time,

"Why do you always shop for us like we are just 2 when we are 4 and you shop for the girls like they are more than us?"

To this our dad answered,

"You don't know when we (referring to himself and the boys in question) take care of them, it will be difficult for one boy to just sweep them off their feet with gifts".

In effect, the lesson my dad was trying to teach our brothers that day (I hope they got it sha), is that as a man,lavish your daughters, without spoiling them, with love and what money can buy such that when they meet the man of their dreams they are swept away more by who he is and not what he gives. They will not become; to use his words, an 'omo oju o rola ri' that is, children not brought up with money.

·         Be your daughter's number one fan. Be the life patron and chairman of her supporters club. My sister till today keeps missing how my father calls her by her business name with such joy and pride in his eyes.

"Teethreads!" He will say excitedly.

If he saw any beautiful dress on any lady, he will say matter of factly,

"My daughter can make that and even make it more beautiful".

. Have a way of making her know how much you love her. It can be in the pet name you give her. It may be a particular song that you sing to her. Think,

" You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey...please don't take my sunshine away..."

It may be through a playful gesture that you know makes her happy. My dad used to love scratching my head playfully until I told him to stop when I turned 13. Sigh! Talk about teenagers and issues. The day my husband randomly scratched my head just like my dad, it brought back too many memories. In that instant, I became the little girl who always ran excitedly to the door on hearing my daddy's horn.

 

·         Talk to your daughter. I mean talk, gist, and converse. Don't let your only conversation with your daughter be the orders that you give. Some men leave only the mothers to talk with their daughters wondering what they will say to them. Just talk to her like a buddy. It is not so complicated. It is not rocket science. I still have my old phone which has most of my WhatsApp chats with my dad. It feels like talking to an old friend. We go from chatting in proper English to pidgin and then Yoruba. Beautiful memories of a pleasant past.

No matter how old your daughter is now, it's not too late to start. Like they say,

'Better late than never'.