Be Your Daughter's First Love

Hey good people!
Trust you all had a beautiful holiday. As a banker, I lived for long weekends such as this one we just had. No work for two days with the weekend nicely sandwiched in between. Yummy! Lol.
Today's post is for the fathers and the daughters they adore and it comes with a caveat;

''Read to your advantage''.
Enjoy!

On a particular Father's Day a few years ago, I took the time to reflect on the two most important men in my life besides my brothers that is, and they are my father and husband. As I reflected, I couldn't help drawing more than a few similarities between them both, making me to conclude that when a girl has a good man as a father, she ends up marrying a man just like him.

 

 

How do you become the kind of man your daughter ends up getting married to? How do you show her what love is in its purest form? How do you literally become your daughter's first love? My dad (bless his soul) once told me that if you are ever called upon to exhort or motivate  people and you think you have nothing to say, share your story. Now this explains why I always share a lot of my personal stories on this blog not because I want to be an unnecessarily open book, but rather to share with you a piece of my vulnerability and by so doing, get you to learn a thing or two about how well or how badly I did certain things.

So today as usual, I'll tell my story. More like our stories; my sister and I because our dad was and still remains our first love. He earned this enviable position because right from an age when we could talk and reasonably hold a conversation, our dad constantly paid us huge but sincere compliments. No flattery. And so from a young age, I grew up hearing things like,

"Daughter, you have such a beautiful dentition" *shines teeth*

"You write so well"

In fact, I remember this episode when my dad excitedly made me the subject of his conversation with his friend that came visiting. I was about 7 then. He went on and on about how I love to write and to my chagrin brought out THE notebook (my personal, secret diary that I thought I was the only one that knew about its existence); where I wrote everything that crossed my mind at that age. That picture of him all excited and oozing with so much pride about my writing prowess, is permanently engraved on my mind. I see it now even as I write.

·         Daddy, be the first man to pay your daughter compliments. Start early, when she's old she will never forget and she will not be easily carried away by the sugar coated words flowing like honey from the lips of the many seeds of Adam she will encounter.

 

·         Without being partial to your sons, pay the utmost attention to your daughter(s). Chai my dad spoilt my sister and I with this. We enjoyed his attention and his money too. Lol. It got so good (no I won't say bad) that one time and the only time as a matter of fact, our brothers had to protest. They noticed that everytime our parents travelled, they came back with at least 1 full box for each of us girls while all 4 of them had to share just 1 box of goodies. They couldn't take it anymore and so their self appointed spokesman (lol) said to our dad this one time,

"Why do you always shop for us like we are just 2 when we are 4 and you shop for the girls like they are more than us?"

To this our dad answered,

"You don't know when we (referring to himself and the boys in question) take care of them, it will be difficult for one boy to just sweep them off their feet with gifts".

In effect, the lesson my dad was trying to teach our brothers that day (I hope they got it sha), is that as a man,lavish your daughters, without spoiling them, with love and what money can buy such that when they meet the man of their dreams they are swept away more by who he is and not what he gives. They will not become; to use his words, an 'omo oju o rola ri' that is, children not brought up with money.

·         Be your daughter's number one fan. Be the life patron and chairman of her supporters club. My sister till today keeps missing how my father calls her by her business name with such joy and pride in his eyes.

"Teethreads!" He will say excitedly.

If he saw any beautiful dress on any lady, he will say matter of factly,

"My daughter can make that and even make it more beautiful".

. Have a way of making her know how much you love her. It can be in the pet name you give her. It may be a particular song that you sing to her. Think,

" You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey...please don't take my sunshine away..."

It may be through a playful gesture that you know makes her happy. My dad used to love scratching my head playfully until I told him to stop when I turned 13. Sigh! Talk about teenagers and issues. The day my husband randomly scratched my head just like my dad, it brought back too many memories. In that instant, I became the little girl who always ran excitedly to the door on hearing my daddy's horn.

 

·         Talk to your daughter. I mean talk, gist, and converse. Don't let your only conversation with your daughter be the orders that you give. Some men leave only the mothers to talk with their daughters wondering what they will say to them. Just talk to her like a buddy. It is not so complicated. It is not rocket science. I still have my old phone which has most of my WhatsApp chats with my dad. It feels like talking to an old friend. We go from chatting in proper English to pidgin and then Yoruba. Beautiful memories of a pleasant past.

No matter how old your daughter is now, it's not too late to start. Like they say,

'Better late than never'.

 

 

 

Made For You

Just because Saturdays are for love, romance and weddings...

One of my favorite past times in recent times is watching musical videos, particularly the creatively shot ones with interesting story lines accompanying the songs and not the usual ones of nudely clad ladies in champagne popping scenes which are nothing but soft porn to me but I digress.

On one particular evening while winding down from the day's work, I stumbled on the video of Banky W's single (probably his latest) which featured my now favourite actress, Adesua Etomi. But it was not the beautifully shot video and need I say clean lyrics and by this I mean devoid of lewdness, that caught my attention as much as the song title; Made For You. It reminded me of a conversation I had with a good friend of mine early in the year. He said and I quote,

"God gives you a spouse that will fit into every season of your life".

 

Basically, because He is Omniscience knowing the end from the beginning, He goes straight into your future and He picks for you if you let Him, a spouse that will fit into all the changing seasons of your life. We as humans are limited in our capacity no matter how smart we are as we cannot see beyond our noses. That girl you are so in love with and you think you cannot wait to spend forever and a day more with, may just be a girl fit for the summer of your life. Summer when everything is all bright, sunny and times are good. When winter comes and all is cold, windy and stormy, will she be able to weather that season with you?

That man you think the world of and you worship the very ground he treads on, who happens to have stumbled on you in the spring of your life when you are just starting out and your flower is just blossoming, will he be there in autumn when the leaves start to fall off and wither? Meanwhile because God is God, He knows the one that is just made for you who you may start out with in spring but will be there all through winter, summer and fall.

 

Trust me, oftentimes, this person may not even look like who you want physically but I'll be the first to tell you that longevity in marriage goes beyond just loving the physical appearance. While the appearance may help the chemistry and sparks to fly, it sure takes a lot more than that to hold your spouse down. When we go through tough times like a financial crisis, been knocked down by a terminal illness with death knocking loudly at the door, losing the ability to do something one could effortlessly do before, what will matter to your spouse then is not your beauty, six packs or vital statistics but rather your resilience, care, support and sympathy above all else will be most required at that time. You wouldn't need a soothsayer to tell you that you just lost out if someone less than physically appealing as you happens along at that time and gives that which your spouse needs.

Are you just going to be a spouse for better times only and worse times you go AWOL? As long as man exists, life will always be a continuous cycle of ups and downs, mountains and valleys. You need a spouse that will be there for you at all times. You can only find this spouse through the help of God. Argue what you will.  When you find him or her, then and only then have you found the one that is just Made for You.

 

Think about it.

Reggae Blues

#MondayDoseOfInspiration

For the music lovers, they know the R&B genre of music means Rhythm and Blues but permit me to introduce you to another genre. It's called Reggae Blues.

Sometime last year when I first heard that popular Harrysong's song, Reggae Blues

"After the reggae play the blues..."

I couldn't help feeling like it was a very  silly song but like say dem cast spell on me, I found myself liking the song for the same reason I disliked it for; it's silliness but nevertheless feel good and irresistible danceable beat. Okay now this is a digression from the gist but felt like putting it out here. Hehehehe.

You know the common Wafi saying,

"No let dem use their reggae take spoil your blues"

A lot of us have been subconsciously allowing others to use their reggae to spoil our blues. When you allow others talk fear into you and discourage you from living your dreams because they think it's too big (in whose opinion by the way) for you to achieve or they probably know of some other people who have been trying to achieve same thing like you, to no avail. Maybe they are even the ones that have failed at that same thing you are trying to do and you go on to use that as yardstick, you have simply let them use their reggae to spoil your blues!

 

To buttress this point I'll share a story; my story as usual. A couple of years ago, we used to live in the suburbs of Lagos where there were really no place of fun and interest to take little children. That is if you like me, do not regard eateries as a fun place for children and that was all that was obtainable in the area with exception of a kiddies 'amusement' park. I'm sure the inverted comma says it all.

I was always frustrated to take the children to fun places outside the area. The traffic in and out of the area was a major discouraging factor and so at some point, I started thinking if there were other frustrated mothers like myself who just wanted somewhere to drop their kids while they ran a few errands or to have the much desired me time. I started to make my enquiries, research and consultations and feasibility studies to which I discovered that there were apparently, quite a number of people like me too. I now thought of asking a friend who I felt would know better, what she thought about it. I thought she would 'know better' because she owned a school (like seriously) and so might be able to share a few things about setting up a place (whether school as I was also thinking of after school services, or a fun place) for children forgetting that she did not leave in my part of town (she lived and worked on the Island). This actually matters because whether  we like it or not there is a difference in the psyche and general disposition of people who live on the mainland and those who stay on the Island. I know my Lagos peeps will catch my drift.

Her advice was therefore based on her knowledge at the time for which I do not blame her at all. However, she spoke like an authority on such matters and so by the time she was done analyzing and critiquing my business idea, all my efforts seemed like a sheer waste of time and unfortunately I was not wise enough to sift out the wheat from the chaff from all she said. Na so reggae take enter my blues. I abandoned the dream and never did it till we moved out. Imagine how depressed I was when I went back to the neighborhood and I saw something like what I had in mind.

Before you let anyone's reggae mix with your blues, make sure the person is a skilled deejay. I'll explain by stating the following:

- First off, answer for yourself the reason why you want to do whatever it is you want to do. That is, have a desperate why. This why keeps you focused and keeps the adrenaline pumping no matter what.

 

- Check out whoever is singing this reggae. What are their achievements and antecedents? Antecedents in terms of know how, career or business success and background. Are they talking from a position of constructive criticism or destructive criticism. Is their analysis that deep? Does it require you seeking out a second opinion? Do they point out only the problems without proffering any solution or another way to go about doing things?

 

- Work well on your blues genre such that even when the reggae tries to enter, it will be a complement. Like I said earlier, having done so much work on my research, I should not have swallowed everything my friend told me hook, line and sinker. I should have been able to sift through what she said and make use of what was useful. I guess because it was my first time venturing into a large project like that and then, I knew nothing about doing things in bits and afraid like I talked about here .

When you don't control what you listen to, you permit all sorts to settle in your mind which is why we are told to guard our hearts with all diligence. Think about this the next time you want to listen to other people's reggae while playing your blues.

I will like to hear from you and the 7th person to comment gets a freebie.
Hint: It's something sparkly, a spice of heaven, a collector's item. Go on and comment to find out what it is *wink*. Hahahahaha.

Have a magical Monday.

 

 

Married But Not Together

I am no marriage counsellor despite the fact that I’ll soon be clocking a decade experience in the revered institution. Trust me, I am still a MAJOR work in progress. But I just thought to share these 2cents that came  roaming on my mind in recent times.

 

 How can you be married but not together with your spouse? Some married couples will tell you they are only married to their significant other only on paper and not in practice. While some are just flat mates, some others are bed mates; that is, their spouses are just there for them to have a 'weather for two' experience and nothing more. How can two people be sleeping with each other and still have no connection? We shall soon examine that. Some others are just technically baby mamas and papas. Only the children are keeping them together and nothing more.

Yet some others are meal tickets or ATM machines as the case may be. Some are also only together for social media and paparazzi as shocking as this may sound. The trophy wife is beautiful and drop dead gorgeous, therefore she's good to have by the side for the purpose of pictures that will trend on social media. And the list goes on. This leaves one to ask the question,

"Why stay married?"

What do I mean by being married and not together?

·         When your money is your money and his money is our money and vice versa;, you are married but not together.

 

·         When your spouse is not your first ‘go to’ when you need to break a news (either good or bad) or share and discuss updates on daily happenings in your life, you are married but not together.

 

·          When you both have divergent opinions on a matter and cannot seem to find a middle ground, some sort of compromise; then you are married but not together, particularly when this is always the case.

 

·          When you have completely different values particularly on major life issues like parenting for instance, you guessed right. You are married but not together.

 

·         When the spark has completely gone out of the marriage and no concerted effort is made by either parties to reignite it.

 

·          When all the fun you seek and ever want is always without your spouse.

 

·         When you see nothing wrong in running down your spouse or exposing his/her weakness to whoever cares to know.

 

·          When you can go days (notice I didn't say weeks or months because that is really a major deal) without talking to each other and your world is just normal. You are married but not together.

 

The issue of togetherness in marriage is what the devil has been fighting since the days of the garden of Eden. He made Eve disregard her husband and by extension, God's instruction making her to believe his lie; hook, line, sinker, fisherman and boots without recourse to even her husband. We all know the rest of the story. There is great power in unity. Great results are achieved when a couple is together. A wise man put a twist to the word team by making it an acronym meaning;

When a team (like couples are supposed to be) is together, there is no stopping them. Ask those who built the Tower of Babel. Even God was amazed and He alone had the power to stop them.

For the married folks reading this, please take a moment now and do this little litmus test will you? Are you married and TOGETHER?

 

Where Are The Men?

Where Are The Men?

No this is not an advert for Gulder. Don't know if you have seen this new advert by Gulder on billboards on major roads especially in Lagos. I saw one on Kingsway Road Ikoyi and another on Gbagada Expressway the other day. I have however added my twist to this phrase by placing emphasis on the last two words; the men.

A lot has been happening in the media these days ranging from abduction and forceful marriages to young girls under the guise of religion or what have you, to violent physical assault or domestic violence as the case may be and the culprits have been the seeds of Adam unleashing their unmanly inhuman act on the daughters of Eve. This leads me to ask this question; WHERE ARETHE MEN?

 

They say it's a man's world, a patriarchal society but does this then confer on the human male specie the right to treat the female gender however they deem fit? Seeing the victims of these dastardly acts leaves you in utter amazement and a state of bewilderment on the desperately wicked heart of man knowing fully well that these women or girls as the case may be are clearly no match for them in terms of strength.

I am no feminist and not in a hurry to be one but everyday, I see springing up women support groups and NGOs fighting the course of the women and girl child. These organisations take the pains to be there for the women folk, teaching them how to be responsible, better wives, mothers and business managers. There they learn how to be ladies of virtue, help meet indeed for their husbands, how to love, respect and treat their significant others as the king that he is said to be. In fact from a young age, girls are taught how to keep and run a home, how to defer to the man not necessarily because he is superior but because in the divine order of things that is how it has already been arranged. Those that have also being victims of any sort of violence or inhumane cultural practices are also rehabilitated by these organizations.

However, what I find a bit disturbing and which is putting me in a pensive mood is that we hardly find these sort of groups for the menfolk. I am not saying there aren't but I'm saying it appears they are not enough. Same way the girls are taught from a young age to care and treat the men with respect, young boys should also be raised to know that it is completely unacceptable if not abominable to raise a finger at the opposite sex not to talk of striking or inflicting physical injury with some leading to death.

WHERE ARETHE MEN? The ones who will teach our menfolk the virtue and values of chivalry. The ones who will inculcate in these ones that their strength is meant to be used to protect and defend the woman from harm not test that strength on her.

 

 

 

 

WHERE ARETHE MEN? Who also will take the time to build a network of men support groups all over the nation; mentoring, nurturing and building men of substance, men who are alive to their responsibilities and not just being sperm donors!

While some may argue that women are also guilty and are not exactly saints; but I daresay when it comes to domestic violence for instance, what is the proportion of men that are victims of this act compared to that of the womenfolk? Why must exchange of words degenerate to exchange of blows? Beating a woman at all not to talk of beating to a pulp no matter how provoked is all shades of wrong and must be condemned in the strongest terms. 

This post is not to take a swipe at all men in general because there are quite a number of good ones around who are providing the much needed mentorship and living exemplary lives that young ones can emulate. But this is also a wake up call to all men to do more, this much needed help and support cannot be too much.

Can our real men please stand up?

My #Doitafraid Moment

Remember what I shared the other day here about doing it in bits and doing it afraid? Well, I had a 'Physician heal thyself' moment over the weekend.

My good friend, Mercy Makinde (whom I'll be talking about a lot more in subsequent posts) rings me up one memorable day and started to share with me her dream about wanting to have a support group for women where they can be empowered, mentored and most importantly supported to face the vicissitudes of life that comes with being a woman. It sounded quite interesting and I was excited about it particularly because I know her story and how she was still standing against all odds. Before I knew it, plans started in top gear and we planned the whole event within a week. But that's not even the gist. Like two days after we talked, I was at her place and then she gave me the 'shocking' news that I'll be the anchor of the event. I said shocking because when I saw the line up of speakers, I was truly amazed.

 

These are women who are considered icons in their industry and rightly so including a man who is the Vice President, Corporate Communications & CSR, Airtel Nigeria Limited. Fine I know I enjoy talking and I am a good conversationalist, even if I say so myself, but holding a conversation and compeering an event are two different things. I left her place that day and later sent her a message thanking her for the vote of confidence and opportunity and she replied as if sensing my unexpressed hesitation,

"It's in you! I say this all the time. My instinct never fails me".

I read the message and I said to myself,

"O pari! I don enter am".

The days leading up to the event, I cannot count on one hand the number of times I thought of calling her to say she should use someone else. I was so unsure of myself seeing that I had never compered an event before how much more a high profile one such as this. Every manner of self limiting thought crossed my mind.

"What if I bore the audience?"

"What if I get so tensed I start stumbling on my words?"

" What if Mercy is not impressed at the end of the day and says because of me her instinct failed her this time?"

I was all mix of emotions. Tensed, excited and apprehensive but through it all I kept saying to myself,

"Toyin, do it afraid. Do it shaking till you shake no more."

The day before, I had attended an event, the inauguration of the Youth church of Grace Assembly (this is the church I attend by the way) where the speaker, Debola 'Lagos' Williams (you need to google this guy men, that's all I can say) had said in sharing his story,

"Take on that 'thankless' job to sharpen your skills".

That is, for one to continually develop oneself, one will need to take up some jobs or assignments that one may not necessarily get paid or commended for but it will be an avenue to sharpen one’s skills. That was exactly the disposition I had towards this assignment. At least I will learn how to compere an event and what's more, it could possibly open doors I didn't even see before.

Now I have shared my story. Peradventure you have read it up to this point and you are scoffing at me thinking,

‘’What's the big deal in anchoring an event? What's the big deal about the speakers? Are they not women like yourself? Is it not to speak English and be composed?’’

I apologize for disappointing you but that was my #doitafraid moment. Maybe yours is even bigger and more distinguished than mine. My question to you is,

‘’Are you doing it at all not to talk of doing it afraid?’’

 Remember action is better than thoughts. I think from the feedback I got from some of the audience and my beautiful friend, I did not do badly so I said to myself in Steve Harris' voice,

"Done and dusted!"

 

In a later post I will share with you some useful tips on compering an event. Not like I am now a pro but just based on this my first experience. Boy, did I learn. So like my people in Warri will say,

"Na from clap e dey enter dance".

Na from dis first event I go get plenty till I become a professional. I’ll say to you to never pass up an opportunity to learn and develop yourself. Like Mrs Adenike Ogunlesi, Founder and Chief Responsibility Officer of Ruff n Tumble said to us at this event, she said,

"Stay fresh! Stay green!"

 

To all my women readers I want to urge you, if there is one empowerment group for women you should join, it has to be the Amazing Amazon Initiative. For more details, please take time to visit and register to join at www.theamazingamazon.org . We started in Lagos, next stop is Abuja, then Port Harcourt and eventually to all the states in Nigeria and yes across the continent. You sure will thank me later for this to which I say in advance,

"The pleasure is all mine".

Life Skills for Children.

#MondayDoseOfInspiration

The 21st century is not for jokers so don't be caught napping. We need to raise children that can stand head and shoulder with their contemporaries anywhere in the world.

Below are a couple of life skills that we can teach our children to help them get by in the competitive terrain that is characteristic of this age.

. OBSERVATION SKILLS: "Be observationally alert", in the words of the author of Lagos Life, London Living, Bobo Omotayo. To teach little children to be aware of their surroundings at every point in time, there is a game I use to teach my daughters this skill. It's called the 'show me, show me' game. Here, you can decide on say, a color or shape and ask that the children look around them and point at any object with the said color or shape.  It can also be played while in the car with them perhaps when you are not the one driving e.g how many red cars can you see? etc. It is an essential life saving skill as it could spell the difference between life and death in a couple of minutes.

.INQUISITIVE SKILLS: Children should be taught never to be afraid to ask questions particularly on what they don't know so as to prevent them from asking the wrong person.

A cousin's daughter once asked her mum when she was quite young what a nipple was. Rather than shout her down and tell her never to say such 'dirty' word, the mum instead asked her where she heard it from and  went ahead to tell her what it meant. Interestingly, the girl who was about 7 at the time, heard the word from her friends in school. Imagine if the mother had not answered her and she had to ask someone else probably an adult with ulterior motive.

. COMMUNICATION SKILLS: In this new age, it is not so much what you know but how you pass across what you know. It is imperative to learn the art of speaking well. To learn this skill, give them a book, their favorite story book for example to read. Watch as they read it to you, taking note of their pronunciations and use of punctuation marks. From age 7 or 6 even, you could make them sit and listen to the news with you. This made quite an impression on me as a young girl sitting with my dad to listen to the Network News on NTA those days. It was always a delight watching the likes of Cyril Stober, Tokunbo Ajai of blessed memory, Eugenia Abu, Ruth Benamasia-Opia, Sienne All-Well Brown to name a few and everytime my dad will always say,

"I love their diction".

I learnt from them first hand how to speak well and pronounce words correctly. I am still learning though because learning is a continuous process. Buy them a kiddies dictionary from a young age. Make reading a habit for them. It expands their vocabulary.

. INTERPERSONAL SKILLS: It goes without saying that your network is almost as important as your net worth. Help children to be friendly, to interact well with others. Work on their social skills. Take them out on play dates with friends and family. Let them go somewhere new where they will  meet new people. Expand their network reach every opportunity you get. Making a 21st century child  live a triangular life is a no-no. Triangular life being house to school to church(or place of worship as the case may be) then back to the house again. As young children, weekends was constant balling for my siblings and I. We always had a line up of places to go. My dad wasn't the richest dude in the neighbourhood. Matter of fact, we were tenants yet the landlord's children loved to always go out with us because of the fun they were guaranteed to have. If as a mother you can without blinking an eye, splurge 150k on expensive human hair (either outright purchase or instalment) and yet the only place of interest your child knows is Shoprite, I hope you know that you are nothing but a sorry case of a mother!

. SELF MASTERY SKILLS: Knowledge about who they are, where they are from, their culture, history. Teach children to be unapologetic for who they are. No one should make them feel inferior about how they look, talk or where they are from. I love my youngest daughter's response to anyone that tells her she talks too much. She replies with confidence and sometimes a smile if she likes you,

 "I don't talk, I gist".

Hahaha. Such confident four year old child of mine. Remember the words of that wise woman.

"No one should make you feel inferior without your consent"

                                       - Eleanor Roosevelt

If you don't let your children learn the art of self mastery, they will subconsciously permit people to make them feel inferior.

. NEGOTIATION SKILLS: Let children learn from an early age how to negotiate. You can start by taking them with you to the market and let them watch you as you haggle or bargain. Children learn alot from what they see. My mother did this to me when I was growing up and I thought she was just mean knowing how unpleasant shopping in Lagos markets can be. What with the dirt, small stalls where both buyers and sellers are squashed together, the noise and din of the market?! Now add to this my dear mother dragging me with her under the scorching sun (shopping was always in the mid day) from one stall to the other haggling until she gets what she considers the best price. Now I'm all grown and run a business of my own and in negotiating business deals or contracts, I recall all these supposedly unpleasant negotiation encounters of the past in the market. I learnt negotiation even before I went to business school. I do not say I am the best negotiator around but those experiences helped prepare me for today.

. GOAL SETTING SKILLS: which is regarded as the master skill of success.Let your children set goals for themselves or if they are too young, help them set it and ensure they stick to it. It may be goals such as being among the top 5 or 10 throughout school session, learning their multiplication table, being in bed by 7:30pm everyday (tough one right?), finishing up their homework on time. Let me dwell a bit more on this homework issue. It is imperative we let our children always submit their homework at the scheduled time (trust me, I'm speaking to myself too) and not take the fact that we can plead for more time from their teacher via their communication books. It imbibes in children from an early age the importance of taking work seriously and meeting up with deadlines. It helps them become responsible adults and builds in them a strong work ethic.

Like every goal we set for ourselves as adults, the goals for the children must also be;

S- Specific

M- Measurable

A- Achieveable

R- Realistic

T- Time-bound

 

Photo Credit: @gracetoparent .

 

 

 

 

Do It In Bits, Do It Afraid

I first heard this phrase; ‘Do it afraid’ in one of Betty Irabor's famous Morning Dew column in her award winning magazine, Genevieve. I remember been struck by the first and last words; do and afraid. Meaning whatever it is, do it anyway regardless of the fear you feel.

This phrase is even now made more popular and is currently trending across social media in Nigeria thanks to Omilola Oshikoya, one of Africa's foremost finance coach and my personal coach too (*coughs* Amen!). But I like how Mrs Evelyn Femi-Paul, a foremost Image Consultant and MD, Image Pro Consulting also puts it. She says,

"Do it shaking until you shake no more"

Listen up. No professional or expert that you know today got it right from the start. They first started as amateurs in their fields and then progressed from one level of proficiency to another till they became the experts and thought leaders in their various industries.

 

When I was going to start this blog, I wanted all the conditions to be perfect. The right and posh device to use, perfect layout, I had seen quite a number of blogs and there were a few I wanted my blog to look like, I wanted a registered domain and website even. But guess what? Everytime I tried to pay to get these things, a more pressing and urgent need will come up that will make setting money aside for the blog thing look like a misplacement of priorities. Another thing that held me back was the fear of rejection. Yes I said that and permit me to be vulnerable with you. I thought to myself,

"What if people don't like what I write?"

" What if I run out of what to write?"

So many ‘what ifs’. Then one day I decided I wouldn't let anything hold me back anymore. I'll do it shaking, here a little, there a little, fail forward, dust myself, get back up and try again. I'll keep writing whether there are comments or not. Will keep writing as long as the thoughts keep roaming on my mind. Some have asked if I'm making money from this. Well, not yet but still I'll keep writing.

So it's 1st of March and you're wondering how two months have gone by already and you appear not to have been able to mark check on any of the things you set out to do this year. Maybe you're already thinking of giving up and settling to having an ordinary year like the previous ones. Or you may even have started but things are not yet looking like you would want them to and you are already thinking there's no point going on, what with the current state of the economy and all. Or you started but started poorly, you didn't quite hit the ground running well enough. Be glad that at least you took the first step.

For some, the sheer size of the task seems to be what is even holding you back. Each time you think about how big the task ahead is or how much ground you have to cover, you get tired even before you start. My advice to you is to break it down into small, manageable bits within realistic time frame. That's basically Project Management in simplest terms.

 

Do it in bits. Do it afraid. Do it shaking till you shake no more. Don't wait till all the conditions are perfect. The beauty of the building may not be fully appreciated when still in progress until it is finished but that does not stop the building from being built. No matter how tantalizing the aroma of a meal is, you still have to wait till it is done before you can eat it but that doesn't stop you from cooking the food anyway. Two months may have passed without you doing or achieving anything but you still have nine months to catch up. Brace up and like Nike says,

Just Do It!

May March be good to you.