Married But Not Together

I am no marriage counsellor despite the fact that I’ll soon be clocking a decade experience in the revered institution. Trust me, I am still a MAJOR work in progress. But I just thought to share these 2cents that came  roaming on my mind in recent times.

 

 How can you be married but not together with your spouse? Some married couples will tell you they are only married to their significant other only on paper and not in practice. While some are just flat mates, some others are bed mates; that is, their spouses are just there for them to have a 'weather for two' experience and nothing more. How can two people be sleeping with each other and still have no connection? We shall soon examine that. Some others are just technically baby mamas and papas. Only the children are keeping them together and nothing more.

Yet some others are meal tickets or ATM machines as the case may be. Some are also only together for social media and paparazzi as shocking as this may sound. The trophy wife is beautiful and drop dead gorgeous, therefore she's good to have by the side for the purpose of pictures that will trend on social media. And the list goes on. This leaves one to ask the question,

"Why stay married?"

What do I mean by being married and not together?

·         When your money is your money and his money is our money and vice versa;, you are married but not together.

 

·         When your spouse is not your first ‘go to’ when you need to break a news (either good or bad) or share and discuss updates on daily happenings in your life, you are married but not together.

 

·          When you both have divergent opinions on a matter and cannot seem to find a middle ground, some sort of compromise; then you are married but not together, particularly when this is always the case.

 

·          When you have completely different values particularly on major life issues like parenting for instance, you guessed right. You are married but not together.

 

·         When the spark has completely gone out of the marriage and no concerted effort is made by either parties to reignite it.

 

·          When all the fun you seek and ever want is always without your spouse.

 

·         When you see nothing wrong in running down your spouse or exposing his/her weakness to whoever cares to know.

 

·          When you can go days (notice I didn't say weeks or months because that is really a major deal) without talking to each other and your world is just normal. You are married but not together.

 

The issue of togetherness in marriage is what the devil has been fighting since the days of the garden of Eden. He made Eve disregard her husband and by extension, God's instruction making her to believe his lie; hook, line, sinker, fisherman and boots without recourse to even her husband. We all know the rest of the story. There is great power in unity. Great results are achieved when a couple is together. A wise man put a twist to the word team by making it an acronym meaning;

When a team (like couples are supposed to be) is together, there is no stopping them. Ask those who built the Tower of Babel. Even God was amazed and He alone had the power to stop them.

For the married folks reading this, please take a moment now and do this little litmus test will you? Are you married and TOGETHER?