Friendship Audit

#MondayDoseOfInspiration

Hey good people,

I trust valentine was a blast. Any hangovers? Lol. Now after all the wining, dining and loving, I suppose, I thought it best to start this morning on a well... kinda serious note in the spirit of love. Yes love for your life, your dream and ultimately your purpose.

Companies world over know that for them to keep being going concerns, they need to carry out an audit of their operations and particularly their finances every now and then not just for tax purposes but to also determine if their business is worthwhile.

According to the Advanced English Dictionary, the word audit is defined as,

"A methodical examination or review of a condition or situation".

The definition above pretty much drives home the point of this post. Permit me to introduce to you a different kind of audit. I call it the Friendship Audit. An audit that pretty much shows you your balance sheet (read as net worth) and whether your friendships have been profitable or not.

So it's time to do a check using the categories of friends listed below.

 Types of Friends

• Askholes: In another post here  I talked about what it means to be an askhole so for first time visitors to the blog you might want to read this first to catch my drift. But askholes in the context of my post today are those friends who are only friends with you when they need something. As soon as their need is met it's 'Bye Felicia' till the next need arises. Before then, they do not see the need to check up on you or even remember your special occasions but as soon as they are in between a rock and a hard place, they suddenly remember Mr Fix It. Come on now we all know everyone wants to be good to others without necessarily expecting anything in return but it won't hurt either if a little love and care is thrown in the mix.

 

 

• Supporters Club: When I say this the image that immediately comes to my mind is the supporters club of our national football team. Growing up, I used to like watching our football matches particularly the international tournaments because of the supporters club. From their frenzied songs of worship calling on the miracle working God to their funny dressing showing off the national colours, it's always fun to watch them shouting themselves hoarse, blowing whistles and playing drums as they urged on the Super Eagles to victory.

We all need friends like the Nigerian Supporters Club. Friends who when you share your dreams with, they stay on the pitch with you encouraging, praying and dancing to victory with you.

• Ride or Die: These ones I call friends for all times- the good, the bad, the ugly and the very ugly. With these ones there is no need for cover up or body magic. You feel comfortable to strip your heart completely to them with no fear of condemnation. They love you warts and all, just the way you are. Who is that friend that plays this role in your life? Your spouse? Sibling? Parent? Cousin? Did I hear someone say Jesus? Hahahaha. Whoever it is , make sure it is someone that you can trust with your life otherwise whatever you say can be used against you in the court of life.

• Fair weather: Yes I hear someone say, "Tell me about these ones Toyin". You bet I will. I know general understanding is that fair weather friends are friends that stay with you only in good times or when it is to their advantage but are no where to be found when times are tough. However, do you also know there are friends who leave you when times are really good? It's unbelievable. Just at the dawn of your success you look beside you and that friend who had been better than you somewhat and you thought they just couldn't wait for you to level up to them so as to deepen your friendship further, alas disappears into thin air, leaving you high and dry. The married friend all of a sudden is not so excited when you quit the singles club and now you can also talk about your spouse, the children, your inlaws. The globetrotting friend who has been regaling you with stories of how beautiful the world is suddenly sounds flat the day you call to tell her you just got your first visa. Honestly when I think of friends like this I wonder aloud to myself,

                             ''But why are people like this?"

I guess it only means one thing; they are not real friends after all. They are your friends for as long as they are better off than you. This has made me to conclude that success can sometimes be the test of true enduring friendship.

 

 

• Best Friends Forever (BFFs) : friends that even when you don't talk often their place in your heart is guaranteed such that no distance or circumstance can pull you apart. Friends who even after being incommunicado for so long you still always manage to pick things up from wherever you left them.

 

• Friends or Acquaintances: There are also those friends that you just call friend for the sake of nuances. Do not however deceive yourself into thinking that you are friends. That you were course mates with someone or you worked in the same work space with another for years does not make them your friend.

 

 

There are friends that like biblical Jonah you need to throw off the ship of your life so you don't end up shipwrecked. You won't bear a grudge against them but mentally you know they bear the friend tag in quote. Meanwhile there are the real friends whose names are written in bold and in the largest font size in your mind. You know these ones are critical to helping you reach your destination faster. Look around you and do the audit. There are friends who within months of meeting them you wonder,

"Where have you been all my life?"

Only a fool picks friends who share same weakness as him. Find friends who are strong in areas you consider yourself not so strong in so you can find a way of complementing each other. I'll use myself as an example. I'm someone that is more a starter than a finisher and gets easily bored. I could start off something today and be all excited about it then as time  passes I tend to lose all the initial enthusiasm and I'm looking for the next thing to do. I realised this won't make people take me seriously and like people in my part of the world will  say,

"It is not the person who starts a job that is commended but the one who finishes it".

I decided then to deliberately start having in my circle ,people that I have known over the course of time to be self starters, driven and accomplishers. If they were not my friends yet I found someone who knows someone who knew them and thank God for impeccable interpersonal skills that I'm naturally gifted with, we end up catching on like a house on fire.

In this social media age, you don't even need to befriend them physically, you can be friends on virtual space. Now how cool is that?

The year I turned 35 (now don't ask me when. Lol), I realised there was no need trying to act like the high school girl seeking popularity by dating the finest guy on the school team or belonging to the 'happening' clique. With 40 a few five years away I stopped acting like the teenager of aeons ago. I carried out this Friendship  Audit and realised how my life was the  better for it. In carrying out this audit as well, I'm at a place where I'm currently asking myself,

"What kind of friend am I to others too?"

You should do the same.

''A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly....''  Proverbs 18 :24 (KJV)